Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
