I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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