first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
