Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
