Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
