happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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