I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
