He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
