I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
