i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
