new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
