It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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