What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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