Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
