chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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