He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
