I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
