her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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