omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
