Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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