i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
