I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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