organizing the empties. That sober.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
