I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
