um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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