You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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