i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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