I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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