forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
