Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
