***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
