Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
