Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
