My hand turned me down
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
