All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
