Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
