she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
