i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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