i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
