she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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