They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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