you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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