whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
