I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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