all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
