If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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