i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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