It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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