Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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