do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
