....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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