Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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