We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"