somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?