brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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