i wish my penis had a tongue
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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