Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
