Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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