Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize