New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
