We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
