i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
