Got a toothbrush?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
