I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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