I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
