If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
