lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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