Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
