youre lurking in front of me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
3 2 1 whiskey
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
