I need help removing her.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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