hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
