sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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